Be Willing to Have a Look
>> Thursday, September 11, 2008
Elderedge writes about his Toyota and his desire to avoid even looking under the hood because he knows that what he will find is probably not going to be good. Is there anything that you have been avoiding in your life...something that gives you a similar feeling?
3 comments:
If I am going to be completely honest here - I don't really have a very "spiritual" answer for this one. I have been avoiding the dentist like the plague and when he talked about not wanting to go to the dentist, I really haven't been able to get past that point. It has been too long since I have been and I have made tons of excuses. I had an appointment to go in and have my teeth cleaned in Corpus for one last cleaning before we lost the dental insurance with the military, but then we found out that C had to have tubes put in his ears. We had no control over when they scheduled his surgery and it was the same exact day that my appointment was scheduled. They were unable to get me in between that point and two weeks later when we lost our insurance and I have not even checked into it since we moved.
So, there you go. That is as far as I have been able to get everytime I come to this question. I need to spend some more time praying on this one because I feel like there has GOT to be something more. If I find it, I will be sure and let you guys know!
I wasn't sure what to put here. Yesterday as I was having my quiet time, God revealed a lack of faith on my part about many things. Things I don't ask about because I don't want to know the answer. One thing I've been struggling with lately is the trip Jeff and I are taking next month. I have been having high anxiety about leaving the kids and flying across the ocean for 9 days. My mind takes me into different situations that could (but probably won't) happen. For example, I think about Jeff and I dying in a plane crash and leaving our children. Well yesterday, I finally talked to God about it. I was afraid he would tell us not to take the trip but instead he revealed my lack of faith that he can take care of my kids. They are his anyway, right! While I was talking to him I really felt like I was having an anxiety attack. Never had one so I don't really know what it's like, but I think I was having one. As I talked I was able to voice my fears and confess my doubts and worries. By the end, I was at peace and feeling good about the trip.
Another issue I'm avoiding is the idea of more children. I feel like we're done, but I haven't really asked God about it because I'm scared he may have another answer.
For years I have been avoiding "looking under the hood" into the lives of a few people who are very important to me. Very recently God has revealed to me that things are not the way I have been pretending to see them. I guess I thought that if I just ignored these problems, maybe they would remedy themselves. Or maybe I have been trying to convince myself for years that things were really normal...while truely they were not. Anyway I am rambling....but my point is that I wish I would have taken a "look" much sooner. I fear I have waited too long....and now what I see is so painful and so broken that I am not sure how to deal with it right now. But the good news is at least I have "looked."
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